Thursday, February 3, 2011

Amateur Hour

One of the primary problems with being an amateur film reviewer for a mostly unknown blog, is that I have to pay my own way into the movies I want to review. This means that I generally have to want to see them on some level, if only ironically. This means that, without the Avon and it's accompanying Second Age Reviews, January and February would probably be the death of my blog.

I mean let's examine some of the movies that have come out or are coming out, in the form of a conversation between myself and...I dunno, someone else.

SE: Well, you could go see Green Hornet...

Me: Green Hornet? But I hate Seth Rogen. And anyway, how good could it be if it's producers shunted it into a January release.

SE: Well, how about The Rite?

Me: Hannibal Lecter reenacts The Exorcist? Pass

SE: Hmmm...you're running out of options. Oh, what about The Eagle?

Me: The Eagle? What's that about?

SE: Romans, behind enemy lines in Pict territory.

Me:...Didn't that come out last year?

SE: No, that was Centurion.

Me: Ohhhh, I remember Centurion. It was directed by Neil Marshall. He did Dog Soldiers. And The Descent. And Doomsday. I like all those movies. In fact, I liked Centurion. Maybe The Eagle will be good.

SE: Well it is rated PG-13...

Me: A movie about Romans and Picts killing each other is rated PG-13. Who's in it?

SE: Channing Tatum.

Me: What's he been in?

SE: Well...Step Up...and Dear John...and GI Joe...

Me: Well fuck that shit.

SE: Hmm...well you could go see Season of the Witch.

Me: Fuck you.


See, that's how my options boil down. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Go see Sanctum? Big Momma's House 3? Justin fucking Bieber's movie?

Basically, I'm stuck until March, when we get Sucker Punch (which I am increasingly nervous about, but at least I want to see) and Battle: Los Angeles (and is that title supposed to remind me of a Rage Against the Machine album?)

I'm not sure what this was supposed to accomplish, other than hopefully amusing you with the above conversation and explain why reviews are going to be scarce until March. But cheer up reader/s (I'm never sure how many I have). May has Thor and Pirates. June has Green Lantern and X-Men. July has Harry Potter, Captain America AND Cowboys and Aliens (Plus Transformers 3 if I'm feeling masochistic). So expect a deluge of reviews then.

Sorry about the interim months. I'll try to keep you interested with...I dunno, things like this...

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