Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Lacking in Bubblegum Stores

Duke Nukem Forever is out.

Let's muse on that for a minute before moving on to my comments. 14 years, 14 fucking goddamn years, went into this game. Holy SHIT! Just breathe for a moment. Haaaaaaa.

Of course the reviews are starting to come in and they are...well not good is putting it nicely. I wouldn't know, haven't played it and am unlikely to any time in the future. Right now I'm working on my second playthrough of inFamous 2 and LA Noire isn't gonna finish itself. But right now the reviews are overwhelmingly negative. Wiki it if you don't believe me.

But people (see: fans of the original game) have rushed to it's defense, as they are wont to do, and I want to comment on one of the major defenses I've heard, namely that this game belongs to the same era as it's predecessor and it should be judged as such. And I'm sorry, but that shit will not fly.

Is it 1997? Is Clinton around? Am I seven years old again? Is the PS1 just getting settled into a long fight with the N64? I don't see a Delorean. Or a Phone Booth. Or that thingamajig from 12 Monkeys. Or...shit, what did they use in Timecop? You get my point. It's not 1997, it's 2011.

So DNF was supposed to be released in 1997-98 and it wants to be judged like that. You know what it could have done to be judged as a 1998 game? BEEN RELEASED IN 1998. As such it's just a 2011 game and it is being judged as a 2011 game as it SHOULD be. And if it can't live up to standards set by other 2011 games? Tough. Shit.

This is of course ignoring the fact that I don't honestly consider DNF released properly. The original developers got sued and kicked off it back like, a year or two ago. So this is more or less a fan game.

And if I had enough readers to have DNF fanboys among them, I'd be getting so much hatemail. Flame resistant by obscurity I guess.

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