Saturday, June 25, 2011

Second Age Reviews: Hollywood Boulevard

I really don't want to do this, because I was actually rendered speechless by this film. No commentary, no in depth analysis, no beating around the bush, no jokes. This. Movie. Sucks. I really do not have the patience to write anything beyond that.

And I don't mean that it sucks in a kitschy Plan 9 From Outer Space way. I mean it sucks in a terrible Epic Movie kind of way. The plot is barely there, mostly concerned with some new Hollywood actresses who actually end up in softcore porn. Oh and they start getting killed at some point. The incompetence on display is such that the film goes through what is clearly a 3rd act followed by what is clearly and ending and then just sort of...keeps going. For no good reason.

Scenes from other movies are actually trotted out as part of the plot at several points (notably a lengthy sequence from Death Race 2000, a movie I'd much rather be watching) and while it seems like this might be funny, it becomes rapidly clear that this was the whole point of the movie, allowing them to save a lot of money by simply splicing in scenes from other movies.

It's notable that the director (excluding Joe Dante who would later go on to direct Gremlins) is Allan Arkush, responsible for Caddyshack II and Rock 'n Roll High School the previous worst movie that I saw at the Avon, but now this takes the cake. There's no reason to see this film, hell there was no reason to make this film and now that I'm finished saying what little I have to say on it, I'm going to try to forget I ever saw it.

Next time on Second Age Reviews: Running Man

Elessar is a 21 year old Alaskan born cinephile and this movie was so bad he doesn't even have a sign off.

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